Downtown Tehran

Whenever I wanted to pay a cab driver and asked him what the fare had come to, he would say, “Qabeli nadareh,” meaning “It’s not an amount worth paying.” This is called “ta’arof ” (politesse or courteous politeness). Some call it insincere politeness, but I find nothing insincere about ta’arof. For me it’s a lovely gesture that is a hallmark of Iranian hospitality. Ta’arof is an elaborate, back-and-forth protocol about priority and hierarchy between people. It comes into play constantly in such things as who will go through the door first or who pays the bill. Keeping this in mind is not only a gesture of kindness but also an indication of good manners and politeness. It has nothing to do with insincerity; it is an endearing part of Iranian culture.