Oysters

Some people fall ill the first time they eat oysters. The first time I ate them – I got arrested. It’s a long story, your honour, and in no way was it my fault that the companion I lunched with was so incensed by the stale lobster served to him that, seeking poetic retribution, he decided to remove one of the eighteenth-century prints from the flock purple walls of the main staircase. A policeman of more mature years might have taken a different view. After all, the print was returned, and the gents’ lavatory restored to its former state.