I felt dread tightening my throat the first time my Instagram feed had multiple images in a row of beans gently bubbling away. Please, no. Don’t do it to beans. We saw what happened to kale. Please don’t let there be a celebrity sweatshirt emblazoned with the word BEANS across the front.
And then came the ad for a dusty brown crewneck sweatshirt that said “BEANS.” $37.
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Not that beans don’t deserve the fanfare. They are beautiful—take a look at varieties that are speckled or have golden eyes or are as black as the witchiest cat. They are life giving—protein and carbohydrates bundled together, waiting to be unlocked by our gut to feed our muscles and our blood. They are affordable enough that even the fanciest are egalitarian.