Mourning in Iran

Mourning is a visible and tangible part of Iranian society, and for the natives of a land which tries to sweep such inconvenient matters as death under the carpet, the ‘in your face’ grieving of an Iranian recently bereaved, or of a whole town during Moharram, the religious month of mourning, can be a shock. The martyrdom of so many during the Iran/ Iraq conflict brought the dying business into sharper focus, but as Shi’ia Islam encourages laments for the departed, and the art-house face of Iran is generally that of black-chadored women, the overall impression is that of a fairly mournful country. This is actually not the case – the grieving process in Iran has a set framework and set conventions designed to curtail rather than extend the matter. The initial cathartic outpouring of grief (like many Middle Easterners, Iranians wail; it is heart-rending and frightening to behold) lasts until the burial (within 24 hours). After a week, a wake (usually involving a meal) is held to which members of the family and neighbours will be invited. After 40 days, a graveside vigil of a few hours is observed, wherein it is supposed that one officially bids farewell to the departed and then, after a year, another gathering is held to commemorate the life of the deceased. This latter (at least amongst the wealthier Iranians) is quite often in the form of a meal offered for the less fortunate. Black is worn for a year by close relatives of the deceased, although the mothers of martyrs and widows of the older generation will commit to a lifetime of wearing black. After this year, the official mourning stops; a close relative will buy you a gift of coloured clothing to ‘lead’ you out of your grief. But it is not unusual for the bereaved to continue to make halwa every Friday, the holy day, or on anniversaries of a person’s death by way of fateh, food eaten in remembrance. Iranian customers often bring in halwa or buy a box of dates from our shop, which they then leave on the counter for all customers to share. This is also a fateh.