Introduction

It wasn’t until halfway through my conversation with Clarissa that I realised my exciting news was going down like a soufflé in a draught.

‘America?’ she barked down the ‘phone. ‘You don’t really expect me to go to America?’ I should have known. After vegetarians and supermarkets, Clarissa holds the home of the hamburger responsible for everything that’s wrong with the modern world – including fast food, political correctness and plastic surgery. But for British television producers, the merest whiff of American interest causes ripples of excitement and inspires the construction of lavish castles in the air. So if you’re offered a promotional tour by a broadcaster you only hesitate long enough to throw some clothes into a bag and run to the airport. Clarissa, however, was determined to stick to her principles.